20 Seconds...

I just watched "We Bought a Zoo." Great movie. In it, there was a line I can't get out of my head: "Sometimes in life you just need twenty seconds of insane courage - literally twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery - and I promise you, great things will come from it."
Something big was going to happen tonight. My life was going to change. I had all these plans. I knew where my life was going. But then everything changed, and now none of that is happening.
The last year, although the most spiritually rewarding of my life, has also been the hardest. I have experienced loss in ways that have almost broken me. I lost the change, the plans, the direction. And I can honestly say that I am grateful for where that loss has led me; but I cannot say that I am grateful that I had to experience it to get here.
And the thing is, I'm not even sure where "here" is. While I have come to experience God in a whole new way - something I truly cherish beyond words - I still find myself emotionally and mentally lost, staring into my future blindly. And that is hard. It's hard to erase plans and be left with a blank page and no way of filling it.
And I'm terrified. But I'm holding on to my twenty seconds of insane courage. My twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery. I can feel that I'm going to need it very soon. And I pray that great things really will come from it.