A Blog Makeover

I have been considering this blog makeover for quite some time now. When I first started this blog, I had a specific purpose in mind. I didn't take much time considering the layout, the background, or anything aesthetic, for that matter. I just wanted to write.
Not just about anything, though; about me. About my life and where I wanted it to go. I was living in a state of regret at the time, and I was tired of it. I had just dropped out of college, broken up with my fiance, and was more spiritually confused than I had ever been. I didn't know specifically where I wanted my life to go, but I knew I wanted it to go forward. Hence the name, "No Looking Back."
However, as I quickly learned, sometimes you have to look back in order to move forward. The month or so following the start of my blog was a whirlwind for me, at least emotionally. I was searching for meaning in my life, and hoped to find it in independence. I wanted to make my own choices. To do what I wanted to do. To go where I wanted to go. Yet no matter how hard I tried to accomplish those things, I still couldn't get my life to fall into place.
I begged God for answers, even though I knew what they were. I knew so much about God - I started going to church when I was three days old; I spent six years at Christian school; I went to Bible college, for crying out loud. I knew it all. But I also knew that it didn't mean anything to me. I knew it wasn't real in my life. And I was begging God to make it real.
And one night, He did. I had stayed up late several nights in a row, reading my Bible and journaling prayers, and this night was no different. I remember crying as I asked God to give me a faith that meant something; that impassioned me no matter what the consequences. I wanted an experience like Saul on the road to Damascus. I wanted to be blinded by Jesus. I remember just writing over and over again, "I want Jesus. I want Jesus. I want Jesus."
And then it clicked. I don't know how else to explain it. Everything I knew about salvation was suddenly real for me. Applied to me. I knew I was covered by the blood of Christ at that moment. I knew I had been forgiven, and given a totally new life.
My life didn't change all at once, though. I kind of expected it too. I was still searching for meaning in other places - relationships, jobs, an apartment. Anything that would get me out of the physical situation I had been in. I think that's why writing was so hard for me last year. I was stuck in this transition period and I didn't know how to express it. My blogs never turned out how I wanted them. They were all either too wrapped up in myself or came across too "preachy." I didn't like most of what I was writing, so I just stopped writing.
So far, 2013 has been a little different. As all my readers know, not much has changed regarding my physical situation. No new job, relationship status, or living arrangements to report. But my heart has changed. I can tell that I have grown. I am not the same person I was when I started this blog. I can tell that God is working in me, and I know that that is worth sharing.
Thus, the blog makeover. As I mentioned, I have learned that in order to move forward, it is necessary to look back at times. Obviously I don't want to dwell in a state of looking toward the past, but I also don't want to be so caught up in looking toward the future that I forget to learn from where I've been. Therefore, the title, "No Looking Back" no longer seems relevant.
Instead, I have chosen the name, "Not My Own," from 1 Corinthians 6:19. No matter what phase of life I am in, this will always be my identity. Whether looking forward or back, I can take comfort in the truth that I am not my own; what I have done has been paid for, and what has yet to be done in me will be for God's glory.
The content of the blog will remain the same as it's been as of late. This is my blog. It's my story. I hope to continue to write about the things I'm learning - all in light of the fact that I am not my own. I have been bought with a price. I will glorify God.