Dear Mom (3)

Dear Mom,
Tomorrow is a big day. At 9:15 tomorrow morning, I'm going with Sarah to an ultrasound to find out what her baby is, and I'll be missing you more than ever. If anyone should be able to go with her, it should be you. I've never known anyone to love as deeply as you loved your grandchildren. You should get to be one of the first to know the sex of the baby. You should get to be a part of the baby's birth. You should get to be a part of the baby's life. And the baby should get to have you in its life.
This is such a joyous time - our family is anticipating two new lives entering our world next spring. But the joy is not without pain. As we realize that life goes on in the birth of these babies, we can't help but remember how your life was seemingly ripped from us, how much we miss you, and how much we still need you.
We need you to love our babies. We need you to take care of them. We need you to take care of us.
We found out last week that Grandpa Prairie is nearing his last days. This would have been a great loss no matter when it happened, but now, as we draw closer to the end of his days on this earth, it feels impossible to have to endure another loss - especially without you. You were always the glue that held us all together. You were always there to take care of everyone, however they needed you. And I just don't know how we're going to do this without you.
But I have to trust that we will. That God is not going to leave us alone in any of this. That He will provide your grandchildren with someone to love them as you would. That He will show us how to take care of each other, in times of blessing and in times of loss.
I've got to stop thinking that you should be here, as if you're missing out on something. You're not. Your death was our loss, but it was your gain. You're not missing anything.
We will miss you tomorrow. We will miss you as we say goodbye to Grandpa, and as we say hello to Sarah and Brandi's babies. And we will miss you everyday in between. But God will give us what we need, just as he has thus far.