I've been working with the junior high girls in the youth group at my church for the last several weeks. This last Wednesday I spoke on idols we cling to even when trying to worship God. Needless to say, it's been a very convicting topic.
I can't help but think of the "life changes" I seem to keep writing about. None of the changes I've wanted to make are bad ones - I planned on moving out of my mom's house, improving my social life, and several other similar changes, none of which have occurred yet. During these last few months of desired changes, I have also longed for a deeper and truer relationship with God; I have truly sought to worship Him. But as I told my junior high girls, I have realized that longing is not enough.
Second Kings 17:38-41 tells of men who continued to worship idols, even while they worshiped God. I had never acknowledged the possibility of worshiping my idols and God at the same time, but lately I have realized that that is exactly what I've been doing. While the hope of change I've had is not wrong - and may even prove beneficial - I must admit that it has become an idol in my life.
I desire these changes so much that I am not content with my life now. I have become bitter that my life isn't currently what I want it to be and it is causing me to lose sight of the relationship I could have with my God. When I seek the change, I forget to seek God with my whole heart.
So this is where the rubber meets the road, though I confess I'm not sure what to do about it. When speaking to the girls Wednesday, I taught that the answer is in the gospel. I wholeheartedly believe that if I fully trusted the gospel - that the blood of Jesus was enough to cover my sin, and His resurrection gives me hope of life in Him - then I will no longer hold on to idols. I believe that if I remind myself daily (honestly, multiple times a day) of what God's Son did for me, I won't need my idols.
The problem I have is this: I still believe that the changes I've desired are important, and that goals such as the ones I've made are healthy. How do I maintain a balance of seeking God with my whole heart yet still seeking the changes I believe I need?
I think the best thing I can do at this point is listen to my own advice and find the answer in the gospel. When I am living every moment in the realization that Jesus, the Son of God, died in my place, to take away my sin, and rose again, I will grow closer to Him and His will. I will be satisfied in Him in all circumstances, yet I will look for what He has for my future.
It's not easy, and it's not always fun to let go of idols. It's hard and it takes practice. But to know that the gospel is not only enough to satisfy the wrath of God that my sinful soul deserves, but also to satisfy any longing of my heart, is comforting in ways that make me excited to further understand. So goodbye idols; I look forward to no longer needing you.
